Last updated: under a full moon, near a suspiciously loud run club.

Welcome to BackpackSpeaker.com (“we,” “us,” “the Order,” “The Backpack”). By entering this site, you acknowledge that you have approached a sacred object of rhythm and must now respect The Strap.

The Privacy Covenant

What the Backpack Sees

We may collect:

• Your name + email (only if you offer them willingly, like an energy gel)

• Basic device/browsing info (your browser is a snitch)

• Cookie data (not edible, tragically)

• Vibe fluctuations (purely ceremonial)

What the Order Absolutely Does NOT Do

The Order does not:

• Listen through your microphone (we’re mystical, not creepy)

• Read your thoughts (we tried once, got a “low battery” warning)

• Implant tiny speakers into pigeons for surveillance

• Replace your playlist with Gregorian chants (unless you ask nicely)

• Track you across dimensions using astral Bluetooth

• Store your secrets inside a hollowed-out Jansport in the woods

How we use your info

We use it to:

• reply if you contact us

• improve the site so it’s less cursed

• send updates only if you opt in (no surprise summons)

Cookies

We use cookies to make the website function and to learn which buttons you click when you’re possessed by curiosity.

Data Security

We protect your data using modern tools and ancient wards (mostly modern tools). If an evil wizard breaches our systems, we will hold a council.

Your Rights

You may request to:

• view your data

• delete your data

• unsubscribe from emails

• revoke spiritual access to your aura

Email: [your email]

Terms of the Order (a.k.a. Strapments)

1) The Sacred Rule of Use

You agree not to:

• break the website

• attempt to summon the BackpackSpeaker Entity using the Konami Code

• upload cursed media (we are already managing enough)

• start a rival cult named “BackpackWhisperer”

2) The DJ Hot Potato Ban

No member shall be forced to carry a handheld speaker for the entire run.
We reject bruised hips. We reject forearm fatigue. We reject awkward mid-run speaker trades like a medieval barter.

3) The Safety Prophecy

BackpackSpeaker is for fun. You still must:

• look where you’re going

• respect traffic laws and living beings

• avoid blasting volume so high you awaken The Neighbors

4) Intellectual Relics

All designs, logos, text, and sacred backpack imagery on this site belong to us unless stated otherwise.
Do not copy them. The Backpack remembers. Not legally—just cosmically.

5) Changes to This Scroll

We may update these terms whenever:

• the moon commands it

• we launch a new strap design

• Mercury enters AUX cord